....isn't the ultimate goal in life to "BE HAPPY" ??
"If you're not happy with YOURSELF, then how can you be happy with anyone else"
"Don't worry be happy"
"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy"
This is not fair.
I'm seriously so angry right now! =(
....Even more, I am mad at myself for letting their words upset me.
This is not fair -- and I do not have to put up with it, nor do I have to feel bad for the things people say to me.
A wise woman once said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Its about time I start taking her advice!
It doesnt matter what you think. If I wanted your NEGATIVE opinion I would ask for it.
But I didn't ask, did I?
................................................NO. I certainly did not.
For the FIRST time in my life (since about 4th grade) I finally love myself. I am happy. I feel happy. I FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF --- and dangit, I FEEL GOOD.
I have an education, a great job that I love, I am finally making some money, I have a nice place to live and a nice car and I can afford nice things and to save money, I have some good friends, a good family, a fantastic/supportive boyfriend, and I feel good about the way that I look (specifically, physically) now more than I ever have in my entire life.
I feel so pretty sometimes (haha!) --- like when I look in the mirror I dont see a whale anymore. I can afford and fit into nice clothes. I can,
every most days, walk past a mirror and think to myself "wow -- you've come a long way! You look great! Look at your butt -- it actually has some shape! You've still got some work to do but girl look at you! Oh... is that a new skirt?!? Ooooo girl --- STRUT THAT!!"
(you think i'm joking..... but Im totally not...)
It makes me so mad that one persons comment can make all of those good feeling FLY OUT THE FREAKING WINDOW!! UGH!
.................................So, all that to tell you what happened to make me want to SCREAM:
I'm sitting at work today and this guy walks into my office and stares at me.
I said "hey! What's up?!"
He just looks at me with a concerned face and says "uh... are your parents around?
I said "no." <I've been on my own since I was 17 - supporting myself completely. My daddy died when I was 16 and my mom lives in a different state...>
He said "okay, well I am going to take their place and tell you that you're losing too much weight."
He just stared at me.
I said "oh... uh... well, actually, uhmmm..." <cool.. I love when I studder! Perfect timing - hahaha!>
My mind went blank and I wanted to SCREAM at him. I wanted to ask him why he thought that. He didn't know me. He didn't know how big -- and most importantly, UNHEALTHY -- that I had been for soooo many years. He didn't know about the mental and physical struggles I've had over the past however-many years ---- always being the "fat girl with the great personality" or the "smart chubby girl who sits in the front of the class."
All he knew was that I used to be bigger, and now he could see my facial structure and my collar bones (one of the most attractive body parts on a woman, in my opinion!!!).
Just because my collar bones show or becuase my fat doesnt fold over my pants anymore does NOT mean that I am "losing too much weight."
My mind, still filled with anger and shock, pulled itself together for a measley four seconds and I mustered up the words "....thank you for your opinion."
He continued to stare blankly, said "yeah," and backed out of my office.
In a matter of 1 minute I went from being the girl that felt pretty -- because when I was leaving the house this morning, after putting on a black cotton dress, I kissed my boyfriend goodbye and he said "you look very nice today" --- to feeling like I had no control in a situation in which someone could CRITICIZE me and make me feel like I had a problem --- like being healthy and skinny was a PROBLEM that he felt like he needed to address!! WHAT!?!?!?
I pulled myself together, held my breath, and walked hastily to the bathroom --- where I sat down in the ugly green chair in the corner..............and started BALLING.
This isnt the first time that this has happened either. Crappy, right?! =(
I text a family member these two photos of me <see below> the other day and that person responded with "Dang! Looking good! Dont need to lose any more weight though"
Really......Did you HAVE to put that at the end?
You couldn't just be happy for me and tell me that I look good?
You felt the need to warn me and criticize me?
No thank you. I don't need to listen to that.
I got a facebook mesage from a different family member that said "I think you look fabulous, and i can totally relate to that exhilaration when you get back down to a size you thought you'd never see. I just want you to be healthy and not become obsessed with your image. You do not need to be any smaller. You'll look skeletal with your bone structure. You're a woman. Embrace your curves! Also, you said you'd never been a 6 as a teen or adult. so, yes, it scares me that you might be going too extreme."
Okay, I can understand your concern if I had dropped 100 pounds in a month for no reason by completely not eating or becoming anorexic or bulemic --- but losing 31 pounds and 3 dress sizes total over the course of 6 months is NOT a cause for concern. Really, I know you care and that you are only saying these things because of that... but I don't get it. I've never been this size before becuase I've always been fat -- I've always eaten too much and moved too little.
Still yet, these aren't the first remarks about my looks or my weight loss -- and I KNOW that, unfortunately, they are not the last.
People should know -- I am an educated, strong, smart, independent woman. I try not to make stupid decisions. I know how to make healthy choices. I know not to go all wacko and try to fit into a size 0 in one month. I KNOW for goodness sakes I KNOW!!
I'm not saying that I am not going to make mistakes, because I will --- but what I am saying is that I LEAD MY OWN LIFE.
I AM, like everyone else in this world, TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY -- AND IF THAT MEANS LOSING 31 POUNDS, 3 DRESS SIZES, and WORKING MY ASS OFF TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF THEN DAMNIT THATS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO - AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, I DONT NEED YOUR NEGATIVE WORDS OR THOUGHTS WHEN I DO IT.
I am a grown woman -- and I feel pretty!
If you don't have something nice to say, then DONT SAY IT AT ALL -- BECAUSE (unless I ask for your honest opinion) I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT.
Time to suck up these tears and forget about it.
Time to learn that people are always going to criticize and judge me for BOTH my good and bad choices.
Time to move on, and realize there are more important things in life than LETTING YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP FOR MAKING GOOD CHOICES!! UGHH!
Time to go back to my blog, instagram, facebook page, friends, family, and everyone else who knows what I've been through, what I want to accomplish (with my weight or anyyyything else) and read/listen to their positive thoughts and words.
Time to feel pretty again.