THe BREAK-up BREAK-through

Real talk. 

I have spent nearly the last 5 1/2 years of my life with a man (ex fiancé) who did not find me physically attractive (the way two people who are IN LOVE should...) and would never truly commit to me because of it. 

Yes, we were intimate occasionally (less and less as time went on) but he definitely made it clear that (and I quote!!!!) 

*he motions to stomach/hips/middle area* "this" is not working for him. 

So I left. (At the start of summer) 

I packed what I could, sold him my share of our beautiful dream home, and moved into a tiny apartment. 

Life, huh? 😒 so over it, haha! 

Leaving was the best choice I've ever made for myself. 

I've had body issues my whole life. I've always struggled with my weight, and have always had a lot of physical fat on my body.

I originally started the dietbet with my bestie Jessica, in January at 194pounds. Knowing I wanted to look good for my fiancé and future wedding. I lost weight for me. I felt good, fell in love with spin, etc - but it wasn't enough. 

At least not for him. 

I've resented my body for a long time.. 

For failing me. 

For never being "good" enough. 

For always being the "big" friend.

For being the reason he wouldn't want me (I've got smarts and personality... But this belly and thighs!) 

But today.....  

Today...

I weighed in at 160. 

And I hit that number for ME. 

Not for my shallow ex.

Not for my "future wedding" 

But because my BFF and I set out on a journey together, through this group, to make outselves better, healthier, happier people. 

I still don't love my body. 

I'm still a size 10/12 and I still have a lot of FAT to lose (most important) and about 20 more pounds (give or take) to get to my "healthy/goal" weight... 

But for the VERY time in this whole journey, I took my weigh-out photos and I don't hate my body - rather, I'm looking forward to the CONTINUOUS journey and changes that are happenin not only in my life right now, but in my body that will hopefully make me a better, stronger, healthier, and happier person - just like I set out to do. 

So thank you, Brandi Laughlin and my awsome ML dietbet friends - for always being there, encouraging, sharing, and loving. 

We can do... No.... WE DID THIS! 😍  

(Pardon my crappy lighting and messy apartment... Still trying to organize...😒😒 - but hey, it hides my celluliteeeeee! 🎉WIN!)

Boxes & Tears

As I sit here, unfolding and taping boxes together to put the contents of my life in, I want to cry but the tears seem to get stuck. 

Life is continuing - but I cannot understand nor can I process what I am doing or the surroundings and situation that I currently find myself in. 

Denial. 

Two months ago I was making us dinner, folding our laundry, planning date nights, dreaming of vacations, wondering when we might be able to start a family in the home we bought together....and thinking about OUR future.

Today, I said on my living room floor unpacking, unfolding, taping, and preparing boxes so that I alone can move forward with MY future. 

My future. 

My solo departure. 

The path that now no longer includes my beautiful home, the man that I love, the pets I treated as mine, or the set of cookware gifted to us by family. 

I feel sorry for myself.

Sorry that I dreamed big.

Sorry that my wishes are no longer reality.

Sorry that the future I was building fell apart.

Sorry that I should've known better.

Sorry that I didn't see it coming.

Sorry that I'm barely functioning - faking and soaking in the last minutes in this home but knowing tomorrow may change everything. 

I'm afraid. 

Terrified.

The hardest part isnt walking away from a relationship that isn't working. 

The hardest part was stepping forward, small step by small step, towards a completely unknown future. Simply sitting in my living room, folding, taping, and setting up boxes to put the contents of my life in so that I can start this new future without my best friend. 

I know I should do this. 

I know I can do it.

I know eventually I will be OK.

Right now, as I sit on the soft carpet lit by the sun of the big picture windows in my living room, I can't help but tear up and wish it all wasn't happening... 

What are these!?

Hello there, strong legs! 

It's great to see you! 

Progress...

...not quite perfection. 

Results and results. 

And as long as I keep eating well and staying active, I know I will hit my goals! 

Before: Feb 3 2016

Current: April 28, 2016 

--------------

Goal: 145-150, TONED. 

Transformation by spin

I've been losing weight on and off for years. I've restricted my calories, I've taken prescription pills, I've taken walks, I have done Boot Camp, i've tried to pure barre, i've done yoga... And the list goes on and on. 

Now, the thing about being in an unhealthy mindset is the fact that getting healthy is very hard. Workouts for me have never been enjoyable, even though I have done then because it is the right thing to do to take care of my body. But working out, no matter how you do it, especially when you're overweight, tired, and unhealthy, is HARD. 

But recently, I have found my HAPPY-HARD. That one workout that completely changes your life. A work out that fits your style, personality, schedule, and ability--

The kind of work out that is hard and pushes you to your limits. 

The kind of workout that leaves your entire body, head to toe, soaking wet from sweat.

The kind of workout that is hard, but that makes you strive for more.

The kind of workout that leaves you in tears (of joy) because you pushed so hard- harder than you thought you could.

The kind of workout that encourages you, through seeing results, to keep coming back.

For me, that workout is SPIN. 

I took my very first spin class last month, and immediately fell in love. It is challenging, fun, invigorating, sweaty, and everything that a workout should be.

I don't dread going.

I don't try to get out of it by making up excuses or by saying oh well I can just go tomorrow…

I don't even mind going alone.

And when it's over, I feel like a completely new, different, strong, and incredible person that is truly changing my body! 

So, speaking of that change, I figured I would show you my pre-spin body compared to my current body. 

 So here it is…

I still have a lot of work to do. I still have cellulite, and a large percentage of fat on my body...

The point is that I can see changes. Visible ones. My stomach and my thighs and my arms and my chest (wimp wompppp) are all shrinking. 

I feel strong. My legs feel strong. My arms feel strong.

 

Let me say that again... 

I feel strong.

And dedicated. 

It's about FREAKING TIME! 😜 

And for me, the thing about feeling strong and challenged, makes this a workout that I enjoy so much. One that I can actually stick with it...

And hopefully... 

No... 

DEFINITELY, I will keep those changes coming.

💜🚴🏼

Ps. If you're in/near Tulsa and ever want to join me, let me know! Your first class is FREE! 

Jeans

GUYSSSSSSSS! 😳😳😳

These jeans! Old Navy size 10!!

I started in a tight 13/14 from maurices in January! BOOOOM!!

(We all know ON runs a little larger, but I'm good with size 10ish... Or even size 11/12! 

Feeling good! Moving towards my goals! Not there yet but progress is so awesome in keeping me motivated! 

Which watch is right for me??

Y'all! I've had 5 fitness watches in the last 3 months. 😒😒 Buy, try, return, repeat. 

(Polar FT40, polar f4, Apple watch, garmin vivoactive, polar m400, polar a360) 

I haven't found one I'm truly happy with.... Until now! 

I'm obsessed with my new polar A360 and HRM strap! Finally I found something I love and that does everything I MUST HAVE:

- Daily activity (calories and steps/distance - approximation is ok, nothing is super accurate...yet!)

- Waterproof (like for real, why is this not a thing in most everyday fitness watches?!) 

- Wrist optical HRM is constant, but works with polar h7 chest strap for workouts

...Which gives me.... 

- ACCURATE caloric burn count while working out (unlike Fitbit who is in a couple lawsuits right now because of its inaccuracy) 

- Ability to display notifications from my phone (optional feature you can turn on/off) 

- Vibrates to remind me to "get moving" (keeps me motivated and reminds me to walk around when I've. Been sitting too long!)

-----

BONUSES

1) tracks sleep (Also, nothing is super accurate, but it's neat to analyze from day to day!) 

2) an AMAZING, user-friendly app that is easy to sync with (unlike garmin) - I seriously love the polar flow app!! 

3) ability to change strap - the watch center is removable so you can switch band! Hey, I'm ok with optional variety! 

4) modern looking watch design :) 

-----

All in all, right now I'm in love 😍😍

Tomorrow I take spin class with my trusty (and old) polar FT40 HRM watch/strap. And yes, I will wear both watches  😂

We will see how it compares on calorie count. 

If it does as it says, I WILL MARRY THIS WATCH. 😍😍😘😘 

Just thought y'all might wanna know - since I've been seeing posts about HRMs and I've done a ton of research and read thousands of reviews and tried out 5 or 6! :) 

Spin Class

I've heard a lot of things about spin class - 91% of those things being horror stories where people swear that they will never go back, worst workout ever, etc.

I've been needing to get into a cardio heavy routine lately to ramp-up my weight loss and I remembered I had purchased a 2 week cycling class at a Panhellenic auction almost a year ago. I dug around some old papers and BOOM! There it was. A shiny new "2 weeks of spin classes" certificate that was set to expire in 2.5 weeks. 

So.... Why not start now, right!? 

And that's what I did. 

I was nervous. I didn't know what to do, how to act, or even what to wear. I asked a few people for basic info, but just felt like I was diving head first into this fitnes genre that I knew nothing about. 

I showed up on Wednesday, March 23 after work (5:30pm) to Physiques by Monique - the spin studio in Brookside here in Tulsa. Class started at 5:45.

The room was beautiful, inviting, and not at all scary - but for some reason my stomach was filled with nerves! 

I expressed my "newness" - how I was totally clueless, and that I wanted to sit in the back and do my own thing -- cause come on..,  if I couldn't hack it no one would notice, right!? 

Only 5 people were registered for the class - so that made it better. I picked a bike and then the assistant helped me get my seat and handlebars set up, gave me a towel and a gel seat cushion, and gave me a crash course on hand positions, "in/out of the saddle", and showed me the brake. 😐 

My first class was "hip/hop spin" and it was different than I expected. I guess I don't know what I expected actually - but the music was fun, it was fast-paced, and I could do basically everything the teacher was instructing us to do. 

I did sit "in the saddle" (on the seat) for one song where they were up.. But I blame that due to a squeaky and embarrassing bike. 😉

The spin class itself didn't bother me much. I'm used to high-cardio activities. However, around the 25 minute mark I was feeling anxious for the class to be over. 

45 minutes of good music, cycling legs, and good cardio I was finished. 

I was hot. I was sweaty. I had tomato-face. And I was proud - that I actually did the entire workout, with limited modification! 

You know how it goes... 

You don't want to show up to workout but you do it anyways. 

Then you want to back out and leave but the workout starts.

Then you get in the zone until 1/2 or 3/4 of the way trough you look at the clock (big mistake lol) and then long for it to be over.......

........And then it is. 

And you feel great!! 

45 minutes, 800+ calories, and one big smile later, I had completed my first spin class. 

The cool down was some yoga stretches which I enjoyed. But I noticed when I got off of my bike I was dizzy. Probably just from "new workout" anxiety and then serious cardio. Who knows. 

I centered myself, stretched, and then finished up by wiping my bike off with a Clorox wipe. 

I didn't feel any pain or soreness after. I got home, felt good, had a bit to eat, relaxed, and then went to bed. 

The next morning I woke up feeling good and still proud of my first spin workout. 

I did, however, have a semi-sore bum form the bike seat. They say it goes away though. I hope. Talk about pain 😂😂 the  seat pain was worse than the workout! LOL 

At about 3pm the next day I realized my thighs, which had previously felt nothing, started screaming with soreness. It's a good hurt, but pain nonetheless. But hey - at least my problem area thighs got a good workout! 

I went back for day two - this time hip hop with more "out of the saddle" and more riding to the fast-beat of the songs. 

Again I was nervous but went for it - and it went well! It was hard the second day to adjust to riding with a sore butt, but it was manageable. I also suffered through the thigh soreness (which is way worse now) but still managed to do more work than yesterday. Along with the regular cycling and resistance, we added hand weights to this workout - so my whole body got a good dose of what a spin class should be! I even burned over 100 more calories than I did at spin yesterday!

All in all, I would say spin has been an interesting - but good - experience. I love that it's a new way for my body to workout and  break bad habits that I have. 

If you ever wanna try out the class, just let me know. You get your first class for free! 

And so it continues..

Month 2 - 2016 is officially over, and so is my first month of the TRANSFORMER dietbet. 

I'm not as impressed with the second month results (as I was with the first before/after photos), but I am down to 175 (from 179) and I'm hoping to keep that number decreasing. 

I did notice some subtle changes in my stomach and face - which is good - but I'm ready to really kill it this month for the second transformer! Brin on the results!

Left: 181lbs, February 6th

Right: 175lbs, March 8th 

I'm basically our of a size 14 again and snug into a 12! Hoping to feel very comfortable in a size 12 by the end of this transformer bet (first week in April) 

Wish me luck! 💪🏼

THIS DRESS 💃🏼

When a dress that was skin tight this past fall now has a good two inches of room.......... You know you're doing something right! 😍😍 

I still have a long ways to go but feeling good today for hitting my first transformer goal after the dietbet and realizing this dress fits perfectly again (but not for long!)

SPARK

Let's talk energy. 
Normally.. Every day between two and 3 o'clock I start crashing. 

It doesn't matter if I had coffee earlier that morning, if I've had a light day of work and shouldn't feel tired, or if I even skipped out on carbohydrates for lunch..  I always feel sleepy and sluggish and tired in the afternoon.  I start yawning like crazy… And I start losing focus on my work or whatever I'm doing.  Do you know the feeling?  I feel like I always become somewhat useless in the mid afternoon.

In the past couple years, I've tried what everyone has tried.  I've tried Redbull, I've taken many a five hour energy shot, i've made sure to take extra vitamins,  i've even tried some other products like plexus sticks, herbalife tea concentrate, and Arbonne fizz sticks - nothing really worked. The ones that did give me a boost of caffeine made my body freak out when it wore off, and then I feel even worse off than when I decided to drink it in the first place - not good.
On average… I can probably drink nearly a pot of coffee before I really start feeling any effects. I guess my body just isn't as sensitive as normal people's to caffeine.

So last month, when I was doing a Dietbet, a lot of people said that they loved Advocare SPARK.  A couple of people offered to give me samples and woman even sent me a box in a flavor that she did not like.   I got samples of the different flavors and decided to give them a try.  I had watermelon, grape, mandarin orange, green apple, and mango strawberry.

It's pretty simple. They come in a little stick package (they also come in a canister), and you mix it with water and drink it.   Some of the flavors I'll probably never try again because they just weren't my thing, but some of the flavors were incredible.   I literally want to drink three or four in a row because they are so delicious.

My favorite flavors are the mandarin orange  (I really love orange and citrus drinks) and the fruit punch (yummmm!)  I actually just made some fruit punch spark about half an hour ago. SO GOOD.

For me, the strange thing about spark that I don't get with other energy drinks, is the fact that I never really feel the energy come on.  It's not like it hits me like a brick wall and then I come crashing down.

It's just, well, one minute I am yawning and getting sleepy and groggy… I drink my spark... and then all of a sudden I have energy again.  It's not enough to make me feel jittery (like phentermine did), but is just the right amount to kind of wake me up, get my head focused, and get me through the rest of the evening or afternoon.

I love the sample so much I decided to sign up without a care so that I can save 20% off of all of my products.  Don't think I'll ever drink another energy drink again after trying spark. It really is the most incredible product.
Signing up as a distributor or hobbyist is just a $79 fee.  That includes three boxes of spark, which are normally $25 each ---  so it's literally like you're buying three boxes of spark to save 20% (or more)  off of everything else for the rest of your life.

If you want to try some spark, let me know and I'm happy to send you a sample.

ALSO -- If you're interested in signing up as a distributor for the discount or to start selling it, please let me know!  I'm willing to bet that if you try spark once, you'll definitely buy again.

Anyways… That's pretty much all I have to say… I just really enjoy the products and I thought I would share with you.  :)  feel free to let me know if you have any questions!

10 Day Cleanse: Results

Soooo.... I decided that this body of mine could use a cleansing! 

So I'm doing the Advocare 10 Day Cleanse. I've done it before and when I really follow it I get great results. 

I did the cleanse in January and lost a total of 7.4 pounds. The weight loss was great and all, but what made all the difference for me was my before/after photo! 😳😳😳 I definitely feel healthier, and less bloated and fatty. 

BEFORE (left): Jan 6th, 2016

AFTER (right): Feb 4, 2016 

So about this cleanse... 

I prefer this one to others because it's not expensive ($36.95) and includes everything you need to complete the 10 days. The dietary restrictions are rough if your used to eating crap but that's why it works. Basically, you need to stay away from sugar, white carbs, caffeine & dairy. 

I've also enjoyed some of their other supplements like Spark (energy drink? and Catalyst which are amino acids that help maintain your muscle mass & help your body burn fat instead of muscle (I've had issues with losing muscle in the past!) 

Also--- with Advocare, you have the option of becoming a distributor for just $79.99. With that comes a 20% discount on products. That $79 also gets you three boxes of spark! YUM! 

I chose to go ahead and sign up seeing as I love multiple products and can now get them at a discount. It's not for everyone but I thought it made the most sense for me. 

In the past, I've had some friends do the cleanse with me & I would love that this time around as well!

If you think about doing it or trying some of the products, think of signing up as a distributor. And if you do, I'll throw in the cleanse for FREE! So $79.99 will get you the distributor kit with 3 boxes of Spark (energy drink), 20% off all your future products, and the cleanse. (Great value if you want to do the cleanse anyways & try the energy drink)

If you want something more extensive, they have a 24 day challenge kit  that pretty much just starts after the 10 day cleanse ends. I have 3 days left of my cleanse and then 14 days of different vitamins and supplements for the other half of the challenge.

https://www.advocare.com/160230954

I'm very excited and hope to see just as much of a result as I did in January. Stick around - I'll let you know how it goes! 

THIS TIME...

If you've read here before or even if you haven't, I'll give you a quick recap about me.....

I'm A 27-year-old Oklahoma girl that has been battling with her weight basically since she was like 10 years old. 

I gained weight through my preteen and teen years… I got up to my highest weight, 210 pounds, my junior year in high school. I decided to change it… So I ate salad basically every single day and made sure to walk for an hour every single day after school while on the phone with my friend.  

In 2006, when I got to college, I weighed about 180 pounds.  I got busy with normal college stuff… Drinking my calories instead of eating them… Walking all over campus.. And being busy in general. I got down to about 165 pounds without even trying or realizing. 

I basically yo-yo'd all the way through college. Up to 195, down to 170, up to 185, down to 168, back up to 180, etc. etc. 

After college, in 2013 I sought the help of a doctor because I was desperate to lose weight.  They put me on an appetite suppressant - phentermine. I didn't do much research and I didn't really have much direction but since I got them from a doctor I thought nothing of it. They gave me a TON energy, they helped me eat less, and I began lose weight till I hit my lowest weight of 143lbs (most days I was 145-147). 

Life was good..... Until it wasn't. I wasn't exercising exercising and I was seriously under eating (maybe 500 calories a day for 3-4 months straight) which isn't a healthy combo. 

I didn't think I needed the pills anymore (especially after they made me tweak out hardcore) so I stopped taking them & I managed my weight for a little while and then slowly it just creeped up to where I am now.......Here.

Last fall I was back up to 194 according to my doctors office, and by the first of the year I was down to about 187. I basically gained back the 40lbs that I lost. 

I gained it all back because I 

- stopped eating healthy whole foods

- started eating big, carefree portions 

- started eating out 

- stopped tracking my food 

- started snacking on junk whenever 

- stopped going to the gym 

Gaining and losing weight is a terrible cycle to feel stuck in. 

It's true, I'm overweight. I'm un-healthy. I'm tired of it. Tired of feeling like I live on a never ending loop. I've probably lost & gained The same 45 or 50 pounds every single year for the last 10 years. 

I'm like this giant hamster on this freaking spinning wheel that just doesn't stop, except for breaks of waxy doughnuts, pizza lunchables, & self pity. 

I wanna scream I JUST WANT TO BE FIT ALREADY!!!! That's just not logical though. It's not an overnight thing, it's the rest of my life thing. And if this is going to be for the rest of my life, then I need to get it under control now, before I can't anymore.

So I'm fat again working on getting fit again.....and I hope you will follow me along as I try to get myself to a place where I'm happy, inside & out! I want to get to that girl that Ive always wanted to be..... The girl that loves being active & eating healthy. I want to feel/look awesome & powerful & motivated. That will be me. 💪🏼👊🏼

And to all you out there that have read & followed along on my roller coaster of a journey, I appreciate all the motivation you give me everyday even after me being gone for so long. It's hard to put yourself out there for all to see and you make it easy to do so, so Thanks for that!