Wednesday, October 12, 2016

THe BREAK-up BREAK-through

Real talk. 
I have spent nearly the last 5 1/2 years of my life with a man (ex fiancé) who did not find me physically attractive (the way two people who are IN LOVE should...) and would never truly commit to me because of it. 
Yes, we were intimate occasionally (less and less as time went on) but he definitely made it clear that (and I quote!!!!) 
*he motions to stomach/hips/middle area* "this" is not working for him. 
So I left. (At the start of summer) 
I packed what I could, sold him my share of our beautiful dream home, and moved into a tiny apartment. 
Life, huh? 😒 so over it, haha! 
Leaving was the best choice I've ever made for myself. 

I've had body issues my whole life. I've always struggled with my weight, and have always had a lot of physical fat on my body.

I originally started the dietbet with my bestie Jessica, in January at 194pounds. Knowing I wanted to look good for my fiancé and future wedding. I lost weight for me. I felt good, fell in love with spin, etc - but it wasn't enough. 

At least not for him. 

I've resented my body for a long time.. 
For failing me. 
For never being "good" enough. 
For always being the "big" friend.
For being the reason he wouldn't want me (I've got smarts and personality... But this belly and thighs!) 

But today.....  
I weighed in at 160. 
And I hit that number for ME. 
Not for my shallow ex.
Not for my "future wedding" 

But because my BFF and I set out on a journey together, through this group, to make outselves better, healthier, happier people. 

I still don't love my body. 
I'm still a size 10/12 and I still have a lot of FAT to lose (most important) and about 20 more pounds (give or take) to get to my "healthy/goal" weight... 

But for the VERY time in this whole journey, I took my weigh-out photos and I don't hate my body - rather, I'm looking forward to the CONTINUOUS journey and changes that are happenin not only in my life right now, but in my body that will hopefully make me a better, stronger, healthier, and happier person - just like I set out to do. 

So thank you, Brandi Laughlin and my awsome ML dietbet friends - for always being there, encouraging, sharing, and loving. 
We can do... No.... WE DID THIS! 😍  

(Pardon my crappy lighting and messy apartment... Still trying to organize...😒😒 - but hey, it hides my celluliteeeeee! 🎉WIN!)

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