Wednesday, April 26, 2017


Let me start off by saying if you haven't heard of the purple mattress yet, you've got to *STOP RIGHT NOW* and watch this before continuing to read this post:


Hokay, so, as you've probably already guessed, I purchased the purple mattress. I purchased the queen size at $999.

I was so excited about it I decided to document the mattresses arrival, the egg test, and my thoughts on the mattress after owning it for 6+ weeks. 

Mattress arrival video: 

10 day review and official "EGG TEST" 

Final thoughts... 

To be honest, I've never wanted to love an item as much as I wanted to love the purple. The creativity. That marketing team. That commercial. all of it - BRILLIANT.

However, as a side sleeper, it just wasn't the mattress for me. It was too firm, and ended up giving me some intense shoulder and hip pain - and I couldn't handle it anymore (after 57 day trial) so I ended up calling a local nonprofit who came and picked up the mattress for me. Then I completed the one page donation/return form from Purple and emailed it over to them. By the end of the week, I had my complete refund. What a great return experience.

After that experience, I went ahead and went to a brick and mortar mattress stores, Mattress Firm and Mattress King, to find my perfect mattress.

I listened to the salesman's advice, brought in my own pillow, and laid on each bed for no less than 20 minutes at a time, spending at least 5 minutes on each of my sides, playing on my phone, acting like it was my real bed at home. I probably went to each of the two stores at least five different times to lay on different beds. Initially, I wanted to invest in the $3500 queen Tempurpedic cloud - but realized I could find something that I loved just as much for probably half of that cost.

I read online and learned a lot about mattresses. Like how one company can create one mattress and make it look different - then sell it to different stores and call it two different things, and price it two different ways. Frustrating. So I ended up falling in love with basically the same bed at two different stores. From that point, it was just a matter of negotiating price and seeing who could give me the best deal/extras/warranty.
Y'all know me. I'm ALL about saving the $$.

I decided on a Sealy Hybrid Kingsthorne Queen Mattress. It was $1500 less than the Tempurpedic (within my budget), and felt like a dream. I kept going back to it every time and ultimately decided it was my body's way of telling me that was the one I wanted.

Anyways, after talking to both stores about the price, I decided to go with Mattress Firm, as they were willing to give me a free pillow, $10 delivery, and could beat Mattress King's price by about $200. Plus, their warranty and return policies were pretty great.

Before making the purchase, I decided to stop into a different Mattress Firm store in my city than the one I had been shopping at, just to make sure I was getting the best deal.

The bed was originally priced at $2100. It was on sale for $1800.

When I went into the second store, I did what I always do - tell the salesman I just wanna chill out for a while, then I went to lay on the Kingsthorne bed for about 20 minutes. During that time, the salesman came up to me and said "what do I have to do to get this bed out the door to you today?" and I replied with "Give me your very best deal!"

He came back about 5 minutes later and said "okay, ma'am - we can get you this bed, today only, for $1300.00" an extra $500 off. Score.

I told the salesman that I would be back later and I wanted to think about it. After work, I went back to my original store and told them about what the other store was offering, and they matched it. They also knocked the delivery off, and even gave me a second free fancy pillow.

I signed everything, made the payment, and two days later my mattress was delivered to my home.

Now, $1300 seemed like a lot to me. The purple was $300 less, and my old mattress from college was only like $550 for the set! I was afraid at first, but I realized that I spend so much time in my life sleeping that it was fine for me to invest in a strong, long-lasting, well-designed mattress.
.... and I've never looked back.

My new mattress has far exceeded my expectations. I've been sleeping on it since October and it's been AMAZING.  I sleep so comfortably. I never stir up in the middle of the night because i'm in pain. I never wake up in the morning and don't feel rested. That mattress was worth every penny!

So, there you have it! Got the purple, hated it, returned it, shopped around, and purchased the Sealy Kingsthorne Elite Hybrid - and I've never been happier!

Sunday, January 15, 2017


Meet Phoenix, my best friend. 🐱
"Who rescued who" - Tulsa SPCA
Almost four years old. 
Loves napping, chasing toy mice 🐭, cuddling, and patio sitting. 

 be continued...

23 emotions people feel but can't explain..

  1. Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.
  2. Opia: The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.     
  3. Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.
  4. Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.
  5. Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.
  6. Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.
  7. Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.
  8. Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.
  9. Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.
  10. Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.
  11. Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.
  12. Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening
  13. Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.
  14. Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence.
  15. Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.
  16. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
  17. Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.
  18. Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.
  19. Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.
  20. Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.
  21. Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.
  22. Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years.
  23. Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

Sunday, January 1, 2017


2016 has been a year of challenge - of HEARTBREAK, of change, of growth, of enlightenment, and ultimately - of WHOLENESS. 

I started 2016 with a heart full of hope. A recent engagement, a new job, a beautiful home, talk of a family, etc. All the things in life that I thought that I wanted. 
And at the end of 2016, I still have a heart full of hope, but of a different kind - knowing that I gave all of that up (and I would do it again in a heartbeat) to become the person that I am right now. 

This year will not only be remembered by the breakdown of my relationship with my partner of over 5 & 1/2 years, nor by the sudden and harsh disconnect from my mother - but will be remembered by how 2016 changed me. 

2016 defined me in ways I feel unable to truly explain - ways that I feel have reshaped me entirely. Molded me. Allowed me to see and focus on my value, my worth, my relationships, my future. 

2016 has taught me patience, courage, understanding, willpower, boundaries, tolerance, balance, growth, and self-respect. Those and a million other things. And I am still learning. 

2016 has shown me my weaknesses and my strengths. It has shown me, trial after trial, that I am strong enough - not only to persevere, but to learn to be a better, more well-rounded, more compassionate, deeper-loving, genuine person. 

So, to 2016 - thank you for teaching me what it is to feel the shipwreck, and to have the courage, determination, will, passion, and ability to move forward. To learn, lean into the changes that come, and take steps towards a better, healthier (mentally and physically), more complete and self-aware "me." 

Letting go will generate a sense of emptiness at the beginning, one that can be difficult to live with. Nevertheless, strength resides in our capability to face this emptiness and transform it into wholeness. To overcome fears of doubt and unfamiliarity.

And so, 2016, I'm so incredibly ready to let you go. 

I know I am strong because I’m ready to know what lies outside my comfort zone. I’m ready for freedom and I’m riding this roller coaster with an open heart and mind.

2017: The year of Paula. Bring it on!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

THe BREAK-up BREAK-through

Real talk. 
I have spent nearly the last 5 1/2 years of my life with a man (ex fiancé) who did not find me physically attractive (the way two people who are IN LOVE should...) and would never truly commit to me because of it. 
Yes, we were intimate occasionally (less and less as time went on) but he definitely made it clear that (and I quote!!!!) 
*he motions to stomach/hips/middle area* "this" is not working for him. 
So I left. (At the start of summer) 
I packed what I could, sold him my share of our beautiful dream home, and moved into a tiny apartment. 
Life, huh? 😒 so over it, haha! 
Leaving was the best choice I've ever made for myself. 

I've had body issues my whole life. I've always struggled with my weight, and have always had a lot of physical fat on my body.

I originally started the dietbet with my bestie Jessica, in January at 194pounds. Knowing I wanted to look good for my fiancé and future wedding. I lost weight for me. I felt good, fell in love with spin, etc - but it wasn't enough. 

At least not for him. 

I've resented my body for a long time.. 
For failing me. 
For never being "good" enough. 
For always being the "big" friend.
For being the reason he wouldn't want me (I've got smarts and personality... But this belly and thighs!) 

But today.....  
I weighed in at 160. 
And I hit that number for ME. 
Not for my shallow ex.
Not for my "future wedding" 

But because my BFF and I set out on a journey together, through this group, to make outselves better, healthier, happier people. 

I still don't love my body. 
I'm still a size 10/12 and I still have a lot of FAT to lose (most important) and about 20 more pounds (give or take) to get to my "healthy/goal" weight... 

But for the VERY time in this whole journey, I took my weigh-out photos and I don't hate my body - rather, I'm looking forward to the CONTINUOUS journey and changes that are happenin not only in my life right now, but in my body that will hopefully make me a better, stronger, healthier, and happier person - just like I set out to do. 

So thank you, Brandi Laughlin and my awsome ML dietbet friends - for always being there, encouraging, sharing, and loving. 
We can do... No.... WE DID THIS! 😍  

(Pardon my crappy lighting and messy apartment... Still trying to organize...😒😒 - but hey, it hides my celluliteeeeee! 🎉WIN!)

Monday, June 27, 2016

Boxes & Tears

As I sit here, unfolding and taping boxes together to put the contents of my life in, I want to cry but the tears seem to get stuck. 

Life is continuing - but I cannot understand nor can I process what I am doing or the surroundings and situation that I currently find myself in. 


Two months ago I was making us dinner, folding our laundry, planning date nights, dreaming of vacations, wondering when we might be able to start a family in the home we bought together....and thinking about OUR future.

Today, I said on my living room floor unpacking, unfolding, taping, and preparing boxes so that I alone can move forward with MY future. 

My future. 
My solo departure. 

The path that now no longer includes my beautiful home, the man that I love, the pets I treated as mine, or the set of cookware gifted to us by family. 

I feel sorry for myself.
Sorry that I dreamed big.
Sorry that my wishes are no longer reality.
Sorry that the future I was building fell apart.
Sorry that I should've known better.
Sorry that I didn't see it coming.
Sorry that I'm barely functioning - faking and soaking in the last minutes in this home but knowing tomorrow may change everything. 

I'm afraid. 

The hardest part isnt walking away from a relationship that isn't working. 

The hardest part was stepping forward, small step by small step, towards a completely unknown future. Simply sitting in my living room, folding, taping, and setting up boxes to put the contents of my life in so that I can start this new future without my best friend. 

I know I should do this. 
I know I can do it.
I know eventually I will be OK.

Right now, as I sit on the soft carpet lit by the sun of the big picture windows in my living room, I can't help but tear up and wish it all wasn't happening... 

Sunday, May 1, 2016