SOMETHING IS COMING!!!!

Change is coming.

 

Look for it tomorrow... =)

Weigh-In Wednesday & Bikini Motivation!

Hey guys! Sooo... its Wednesday again, and you know what that means --- time for me to weigh in and see if im down any more weight from last week!

When I get to the scale on Wednesday mornings I get a little (okay, for some reason I get A LOT) nervous! I think to myself "what if I have gained weight?" or "what if I haven't lost any weight at all?" AHHHH FAIIIILUREEEE!!!! 
(...just kidding. I just want to keep moving in the right direction!)

I know I should not be thinking like this --- losing weight is something that doesn't happen overnight. I am not going to wake up next wednesday, weigh myself, and see a 10 (or whatever) pound loss.  (...and if this IS actually possible, someone tell me NOW!!) That is hard for me to make myself remember. I also know that sometimes gaining weight when I am working out and dieting is a good thing, because it could mean that (supposing im eating right and working out, etc.) I am gaining muscle --- which weighs more than fat but is definitely more lean! So I might weigh more but I will still be getting more healthy, toned, and fit!! Now THAT is what I want!

I don't necessarily care about a number anymore --- I am (I think...I will reveal my actual weight in a moment) at a healthy and "normal" weight for my height according to the "based on the averages" chart. Really, what is important to me now is not necessarily making the number go down dramatically on the scale, but more of getting rid of the fat that is on my body and replacing it with more lean, functional, strong muscle!

So... the moment I've been waiting for all week... to see if I have gained/lost/remained from last Wednesday.

*insert drum roll here*

 

Weigh-In Wednesday results: 146 pounds

WAHOOO!! That is one more pound --- down from 147 last week! I know it isn't much... but like I said, its more about the overall way my body (size, shape, weight, muscle, fat, etc) is changing rather than losing a million pounds overnight! So yes, I AM FREAKING PUMPED -- and relieved to know hat the number is still continuing downward! =)

So... I hear that it is good motivation to purchase, say, a pair of jeans that is one, two, or more sizes too small -- for motivation and physical evidence of your goals. I have also heard that bathing suits are good motivation as well. I hate spending money on clothes -- so why in the heck would I buy something that DOESN'T FIT?! I mean, can't you just IMAGINE what your goal size is and work towards that and THEN purchase a nice pair of jeans or bathing suit that (for certain) fits your new size? ....maybe I've got this thought process all wrong!

I know, you're sitting there thinking duh paula - everyone knows that!!
....you're right.... Everyone DOES know that. However, its not anything that I have ever seen anyone or heard of anyone that I personally know, actually do! It's just one of those things that people talk about. I've sene people keep their fat clothes for backup or to make sure they never fit into them again.. but that is a whole different topic.

What I am saying is that, while I understand the motivation behind spending money on things that DO NOT FIT, I have never fully wanted to comitt to this motivational tool. However, this time around, I am doing things differently. This isnt my first weight-loss rodeo. Ive done this before --- but this time it will be different because this time, I WILL KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF!

So I did it.
I went to the store, and tried on a bazillion bathing suits. I found one that I thought was really cute. Of course, trying it on was great --  for the first time in my life I bought a size M bottoms! I know that I didnt look great in the bikini -- but hey! Thats what buying it for motivation is for, correct? I definitely want to tone up and get rid of my thighs, love handles, etc.,. tone up my arms... well.. you get the picture. Anyways... I thought I would share my new purchase with you! Hopefully I can write a new post sometime around June 1 with a photo of me in the bathing suit --- with a hot, fit, more toned body! =) Hello progress, determination, and motivation!

**By the way -- all my photos have no filters.. I want you to see progress... no matter how unflattering or blah it may be! ;) Totally worth showing the real thing instead of prettied-up photos so you can't see my fat or cellulite or whatever**

04/09/2013 - HAIR/ARMS DOWN!

04/09/2013 - HAIR/ARMS UP!

This bikini definitely isn't perfect on me -- and I obviously have some work to do to get "bikini ready" -- but this is a start!
.....I wish I had a bikini photo BEFORE I started this journey.. ha!
I definitely can tell (by the way I look and feel) that I have lots some major weight!

146 pounds.... and the journey continues!!

CALORIE COUNTER - My PHENTERMINE connection

I've told you some information about Calorie Counter, my Phentermine appetite supression/diet pill, in previous posts -- so I wanted to get you all the real information in terms of contact information, online presence, costs, hours, etc.

 

Calorie Counter is a small doctors office in Owasso at 9100 N Garnett Rd --- thats basically a little south of ihop in owasso and on the west side of the street, across from the fire department in a small strip mall beside Ron's Hamburgers.

My iphone gps, and google maps BOTH took me WAY off from here.... so, just in case, here is a link to a map:  http://m.google.com/u/m/xijbXs

 

The address to actually FIND it on the gps is:
8359 North Garnett Road,Owasso OK 74055

 

Their facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Calorie-Counter/129689727147697?fref=ts

 

The phone number there is 918-272-0440. The staff is really great, and you dont have to make an appointment -- everything is done by walk-in when they are open.

 

Business hours are:

Tues: 9-5 (new patients be there before 4)

Fri: 9-5 (new patients be there before 4)

Sat: 9-12 (new patients be there before 10)

As far as pricing, your first visit will consist of a $20 doctors visit, and $50 for the cost of your prescription --  for a total of $70.

The first visit consists of getting your weight, height, body fat, water weight, etc. and visiting with the doctor about your goals, instructions, and about the pills themselves. It is super simple.

 

The only other cost associated would be the lab work. That is $50. Before they allow you to pick up your second prescription, you will need to have blood drawn and tested. They draw 3 vials to make sure that you have enough blood cells, that your thyroid is working right, and test a few other things---basically to make sure that you are healthy enough to take the pills and that you do not have any underlying conditions that would restrict the pills effectiveness or other things. If you've had all the required blood tests in the last year (or something?) you can just have those results sent to them and they won't charge you anything. If you havent had blood taken, the cost to get bloodwork done through RML and then pay at Calorie Counter would be $50. You pay the $50 at Calorie Counter after you get the order sent to RML (regional medical labs---part of St. Johns) nad after you get your blood taken. 

They say you can also go through your primary doctor and have him/her refer you to get the tests, which can go through your insurance if you have any, and might be cheaper. I do not honestly know about this because I just went through Calorie Counter.

 

As far as discounts go, they dont really offer any. If you tell them that I referred you, you will get a $10 discount, which makes your first visit $60 and every visit after only $50 for pills.

You can get a $10 off PER REFERRAL that you send to the clinic. So, if you go get the pills this month and get $10 off, you and I both will get a $10 referral -- so after your initial visit if you refer anything you and your referee will receive the discount. This is great for your first visit -- hello discount for both of us! Other referrals you get can be put towards your pills, so they could be $40/mo or cheaper, depending. Its sweet. 

 

I would still recommend this to ANYONE--- without the referral or the bonus $10 off. It is worth the $70 for your fist visit and $50 for drawing blood (to make sure yoou're healthy!) and the $50/month for the pills full price --- but who doenst want/need a discount?! I know I do! I seriously know (for certain, for me personally, at least) this stuff works!! I honestly don't care about the $10 savings, thats lunch $ -- overall, its more about how awesome the results I have had are, and that I would share it with anyone else who wants to lose any weight!

 

BUUUUTT, if you are interested in saving that initial $10 and making your first visit $60 instead of $70, put me down (Paula Blalock) as a referral! Hello win-win! =)

 

Thats it! All the basic information that I have! Let me know if you refer me, or have any questions at all about PHEN or my experience so far!

 

 

.....side effects!?

**WARNING! Please do not read further if you hate hearing/reading about bodily functions, everyday struggles, bad habits, etc. What I have to say is from my real experience, and I am not going to sugar coat what I am going through on this journey -- and especially not on this post. This is meant for information in general and on the side effects written for other people interested in or currently taking Phentermine - based on my experience (and the experiences of some friends I know personally also taking it)**

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So, everyone already knows (if you've read anything from my blog before this post) that I am taking Phentermine (PHEN, for short). PHEN is a psychostimulant drug, similar to amphetamine, that is approved by the FDA and is used to increase energy and focus and to decrease fatigue and appetite.

Here is a link to the wiki on phentermine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phentermine

Originally, and most commonly, PHEN is approved for and prescribed for short-term use to obese and morbidly obese persons who need an appetite suppressant (in combination with eating right, drinking LOTS of water, exercising, etc. --- a lifestyle change) to lose weight. I found out about PHEN from a friend who took it to lose about 30 pounds over a few months, and I wanted to know more...

There is a lot of information about PHEN online, especially from online vendors and from websites offering the product or more information about side effects, etc. I did a lot of looking into it before deciding to take a pill commonly known as the legal "speed" (yes, like the drug!) I also learned that it is better if you get it from a doctor than an online resource -- ONLINE PURCHASING: DON'T DO IT --- BUY IT FROM A LOCAL DOCTOR ONLY!!!!!!

Anyways, I ended up going to Calorie Counter in Owasso.

CLICK HERE <previous post!> to get the scoop on Calorie Counter -- its contact info, hours, costs, requirements, etc.

Here is some basic information about physically taking PHEN and what I get out of it:

The doctor recommends taking 1/2 of the pill early in the morning and 1/2 later in the day for a few days if you have concerns about taking the pill or how it will effect you -- but I started off with and still do take my (entire) PHEN pill about 9 or 9:30 am every day. I thought about doing 1/2 at a time, but after reading some reviews I realized that it would effect me differently than taking the entire thing (read below for explanation) and I would rather take it all at once, early in the morning.

 

I don't get hungry throughout the day---- like at all. I have to remember to remind myself to eat, and if I do get hungry, its normally mid-late afternoon around 4 or 5. PHEN is really incredible -- for the FIRST time in my life (literally) I can go throughout the day without my tummy rumbling or me wanting to snack. I don't event take lunch at work anymore because I don't even THINK about food. Its seriously incredible.

 

Okay, so that is the jist of information about PHEN and taking the pill... now let me get down to the nitty gritty --- what all of you that are interested in taking PHEN want to know. Many people have asked me about all of this in a private email/message, so I thought I would address it all together. If you have more questions, feel free to still message/email/text me/whatever!

 

I am not shy or weird about being open and talking about anything at all really.. (the good, the bad, the gross, the ugly, etc.) so I am going to say it how it is, use yucky words, and talk openly with you about the side effects I have had and do have with taking PHEN. I hope you learn from my personal experience and do your own research before deciding if you want to/don't want to taken PHEN if you are on a weight loss journey like myself.

 

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent -- or at least kept anonymous for personal reasons. However, all the people I talk about are real people I talk to and know personally -- Nothing fake here -- only the REAL DEAL, ladies and gentlemen!

 

 

Here they are:

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• Heightened awareness of energy -- I don't feel jittery (like *SARA did) but I really don't have a big reaction to caffeine like normal people. I can drink redbull and coffee and, while it does give me a bit more energy, I do not get shaky or jittery and I can literally fall asleep right after a few cups of coffee! Ha! However, I do have this weird amount of energy from PHEN that I almost can describe as like energy flowing through my veins? I don't know -- its so strange! Its just like my body is always ready to move and do something. Almost a tingle or a fuzz feeling in my veins, but not --- I wish I could tell you exactly, but I don't know how... It isn't a scary feeling or bad, it is just different.

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• Sleep loss -- About the first 2-3 weeks of taking the pill I definitely lost sleep. Maybe it was because of the energy? Like I mentioned earlier, the doctor mentioned that if you take 1/2 now and 1/2 later, that it would allow you to see changes and make adjustments depending on the way that it makes you feel. However, the pill gives you so much energy, I was afraid to wait longer in the day to take the other half for fear that I might not sleep. I did lots of reading online about user reviews and experiences, and many said taking the full pill wasn't bad at all, and that it actually worked better for them in terms of seeing results, and that it was better because they could use the energy the full pill gave them throughout the day so they could sleep easier/better at night. I recommend taking the ENTIRE pill the earlier in the morning you can (I do mine at 9:30 every day) because it gives you a lot of energy. If you need to go to bed at like 10, you might not be tired or able to fall asleep at all until 2-3am or later in the morning, especially when you first start taking it. It was really a struggle at first. Even if I could lay in bed and fall asleep, I had trouble staying asleep. There for about a week or so I woke up every morning at about 3am and not be able to go to back to sleep. I had to fix this issue --- I sure do love sleeping! I have another friend with sleeping problems so I asked her about how she goes to sleep -- she said go to walmart and buy generic Unisom (non-habit-forming and only $4!) and take one or two an hour or two before you need to go to sleep. Sure enough, they work like a charm. One didn't do much for me; then I tried taking two,  about an hour before bed. Taking two allows me to fall asleep pretty easily once they really kick in. I definitely recommend looking into them. I will never go without them for the rest of my life -- even if I'm not on PHEN. They really did help met get sleepy, fall asleep, and stay asleep when I normally couldn't because I had so much energy. I still have to take them sometimes... especially if I am not tired at all after a workout. Mostly, the bulk of my sleeping issues were in the first couple weeks or month.

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• Heartbeat -- Definitely a more noticeable change/side effect for me would be my heartbeat. I think it is ULTRA important for anyone taking PHEN (or any other medication, for that matter) to monitor their body, know what is normal, and check for differences that could be caused by that medication. This was something that I noticed right away. Near the end of month one until about the end of month two, I would (occasionally) have a deep, hard, loud heartbeat. Normally I, personally, cannot "hear" my own heartbeat unless I have ran or some something to make it beat louder/harder. However, sometimes randomly I would just be sitting at my desk and my heart would beat three or four times, really hard, really slowly, and I could hear it in my head. It was strange, and scary at first. Heart palpitations are also listed as a known side effect --- one that isn't too bad, definitely noticeable though.  Heart palpitations are common and happen many times in people in good health. I wondered about this --  and learned that as long as I know my body and will go to a doctor if it happens on a more regular basis or distracts me from what I am doing, then I should be okay. Hopefully this is correct. I mentioned it to the doctor, and they said I was healthy -- so I am not too worried about it. They have also basically stopped -- I cant remember the last time I felt one... so that's good too!

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• Constipation/Stomach cramps -- A somewhat serious side effect that I have had is being able to use the restroom, specifically, going poo (#2)! Ha! ..This also gave me some wonderful stomach cramps! Booo!! Many posts are online about this, and it is listed as a specific side effect of the medication -- *SAM and I both had this problem as well. It's like at first everything is fine (or whatever your "normal" is) and then after you really lose your appetite and slow down eating (because you're never hungry and you 'e no longer thinking about food) your metabolism slows slightly. Of course, it is also sped up because that's what the pill does and gives you more energy. Aaaaanyyways, its like you eat less and your body freaks out and really, for about weeks 2 and 3 I was constantly bloated feeling and barely ever went to the bathroom other than to pee. I was losing weight but didn't feel good --- and I didn't know what was going on. I searched around and realized that the pill could be the culprit of my feeling gross and causing my inability to regularly go #2, and decided to get the 4$ bottle of equate walmart (haha I love cheap stuff!!!) stool softener. I took it once and everything was basically fine after. I've taken it a few more times too. Really, its just remembering to eat less but to actually eat that really helps. I also try to, when I noticed that I've accidentally skipped lunch (I SWEAR IT HAPPENS because I don't think about food all the time and I'm not hungry) that I eat a Fiber One - Oats and Chocolate bar. They are suuuuper delicious and definitely help to regulate your digestive system. When *SAM figured this out she was glad to know that I already had solved (basically) the problem and she told me she has been eating them basically every day for breakfast. Its really good for you and healthy to get the healthy fiber --- and definitely helps if you encounter this side effect. Basically, just remember to eat (if you don't your digestive tract will slow down... bad news!) and when you can, take a fiber supplement!

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• Dry mouth & Cheek biting -- Ugh. Ive always heard of the side effect "dry mouth" on pills and for medications -- but I had, in almost 25 years of life, not experienced it at all. I mean, sure, Ive been thirsty before, but I definitely haven't experienced a "cotton mouth" as a side effect......UNTIL NOW!! My mouth is sooo dry. All the time. like seriously---ALLLL THEEEE TIIIIIIMEEE!! Its not dry like "I need a drink" dry, but is more than that. I have to constantly drink water, have something around me, and I have even ended up keeping gum and mints and little sours in my purse with me at all times because my mouth gets sooo dry I have do eat something to keep it moist. It is really irritating. One SUUUUPER annoying <BAD!> habit that I have developed from this dry-mouth is cheek biting. I don't know why I do it. I have to move my mouth to the left and to the right... I cant control it and I never ever used to do it. My cheeks are irritated and dry -- even though I keep things in my mouth and I drink a lot. I definitely need to talk to the doctor about it next time I go get a refill. My boyfriend notices it and teases me, but it really bothers me. I know it looks goofy, switching my mouth from side to side --- but, more importantly, it is bad for my mouth! I have a greater chance of damaging my skin cells, damaging saliva glands, and really, who wants to chew on their cheeks?! Ugh. Like I said, I never used to do this --- and it started only a few weeks after I started taking PHEN, about how long it took for the sever dry mouth to kick in. If I get some answers from the doctor or find anything else out I will keep you updated!

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For now, that is pretty much the bulk of any issues that I have/did have when taking PHEN. I really hope that you use this information, along with research you do on your own, before you take PHEN as well as take notice of these things if you are already on or getting ready to start PHEN. Even if this isn't the last of it, or if I resolve my silly dry mouth issues, I will definitely update this!

For me, these side effects are worth the journey that I am on and are worth dealing with to give me more energy and less of an appetite to help give me that little more motivation and boost to lose weight.

Feel free to email/comment/message me about any other questions that you may have 

--- or really anything else at all! I am an open book! =)

 

 

WEIGH IN Wednesday!

It's WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY and I'm totally excited to see what the scale says!!

 

I've being hitting the gym, eating clean, and drinking 100+oz of water most every day for a week and I do honestly feel better. My eating habits are better (I eat less and better, healthier foods), I'm exercising harder and dying less when I do so. I'm not even craving the junk food and soda like I used to...
 

Last month I dropped some major poundage, all of it has stayed off, but I havent made any real major losses in the past two weeks. Last Monday I was at 149 in the morning and by Friday was back to 151 (it was a lot of water weight probably, but still, I only want to see the numbers go down on the scale).

This monday I weighed and hit the scale at 148, which is 1 pound loss! WAHOO!

 

Today, WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY, I came to the scale at 147!! 

YESSS - ANOTHER POUND!!  (small victories, right?)

That is a  total of 27 pounds lost! Plus, I have lost another inch in my natural waist, one more around my belly button waist, and another inch lost in my hips! Gosh -- It feels nice to be (and be staying in) the 140s! I can't wait until I hit the 139 mark!!! I could just scream like a little girl! Hahaha!

RECAP

93 days down -- and many more to go!

71 Phentermine pills swallowed!

3 dress /pant sizes lost - size 14 to size 8!!

27 pounds lost!!

 

I must admit that I am pretty excited about how far I have come and where I am headed! 

 

I've got some serious work to do on those "wimpy water guns" that I call arms, my thighs, my tummy, my butt, and the lovely cellulite (---naughty words like cellulite (EEK!) shouldn't be posted on blogs, I knoooow, ha!). *said in HULK voice* >>> TIME TO TONE!

 

Anyway, I am still happy with this weeks outcome and am going to work hard to make the numbers continue in the right direction for the next week!



 

Current Photos:

 

 

Comparison Photos (Day 1 and Day 93)

 

 

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY, Thank you for being good to me!

 

 

PAULA SAGGYBOTTOM -- in the adventures of the FAT PANTS!

 "FAT PANTS"

 

Im getting rid of them this week. Yes, gone, adios, bye bye!

Im managing to get rid of over 5 pairs of dress slacks and 5 pairs of jeans, 5 pairs of shorts, and LOTS of tops, bathing suits, dresses, etc. yes, it sucks because I LITERALLY have two pairs of jeans (see prev. post about gap and vanity jeans!) and one pair of slacks, zero real shorts for the summer (and no, NORTS dont count!) and a handfull of shirts to wear now. It sucks because I almost have nothing to wear. I feel like the bum that wears the same 5 outfits in a row every week to work. I feel frumpy, like nothing fits. UGHHH FAILLLL!!

Then again... I feel incredible. I feel awesome. Its a stupid-awesome feeling when I can't fit into aaaanyyyy of my clothes because i've lost so much weight! I know I look like a loser with no clothes, but right now, today,
*insert winner crossing the finish line/determination music here, LOL*
I dont care!!!!  FREEEEEDOMMMMMM!!!

Lately, I've been struggling with the thought of...

"I would rather be fat and have back all my clothes,

 than be skinny and have basically absolutely nothing to wear!"

 

WHY?! No! STOP IT PAULA! STOP STOP STOP!!

It is much better to lose weight, look frumpy in fat clothes, get RID (yes, RID----PERMANENTLY!! THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW!!) of your fat clothes, wear the same outfit for a month or two, all while saving up money to buy a new outfit here or there...than it is to be fat, unhealthy, unable, unhappy, unmotivated, etc...the list goes on and on and on....

I think KNOW that I am through with that duuuuuumb thought.
I am going to embrace the new, healthier, skiiiinnier me, even if that means looking like a bum for a while in old/baggy clothes, or wearing the same outfits.

But hey! Nor more PAULA SAGGY BOTTOM and no more looking like I just SHAT myself with my fat jeans. Hooray!!

I'll eventually replace my entire wardrobe (shirts, jeans, slacks, tops, dresses, undies, shoes, etc.)  and everything will be back to normal a NEW NORMAL for me!

 

.....aaaaaand, haha -- if you hear of anyone (i.e. person, company, blogger, etc.) that is donating/giving away/hosting a contest for a shopping spree, let me know!

I hear about these all the time and immediately enter! I'll jump on over there and do some

entering!I'm normally decent at winning random things--- and this time clothes and

gift certificates are my "enter/like/follow to win" item of choice!

 

Am I sabotaging myself?

Am sabotaging myself?

 

As far as losing weight goes.... this is not my first rodeo.

I lost weight in high school. I lost weight in college. I lost weight when I first met Hunter.

Every time I've lost weight in the past, I just did it. Period. I was at my "breaking point" - I had either cried to my mom, cried to a friend, or cried to myself -- I HAD IT when it came to being fat, so I just lost weight. There were no worries that I'd never meet my goal (which was always realistic, not too much of a real "goal" looking back now). I simply put my mind to it and got it done; however, the goals I set for myself were temporary. It was never to lead a healthier lifestyle or to make real changes - It was to work my butt off and lose some weight. How much? I never set a goal. To keep it off? Well, that was the plan but I never put that plan into motion - EVER.

 

Today was the first time I finally realized I feel like I actually have an idea of where I want to be, what I want to look like, and have set specific, realistic, and attainable goals for myself. This time around, it wasnt just "to get skinny" or to "stop feeling gross." This time it is to GET HEALTHY and STAY HEALTHY -- for me, for my health, for my future, for my <future, as in not planning yet, but someday, duh!> children. This isn't one of those times I was fat and wanted just to "get skinny." I actually have a plan and goals---and this time, I am going to stick to them -- indefinitely.

 

I've been bouncing around about 20 pounds for the last 5 years. At 170, down to 155, up to 170, up to 180, down to 170, up to 185, down to 160.....and the cycle continues. It's annoying, it's discouraging, and it's embarrassing. I've had friends and people tell me that I've inspired them to get healthy and get moving and there I go again, letting my hard work go and slipping back into my fat pants.

This weekend wasnt exactly pretty... it was more of a trainwreck -- on Saturday at least.
Every day this weekend I told myself "ok paula. Its time to get out of bed. Just get out of bed, throw on those comfortable workout pants, get in the car, and drive to the gym." They always say the hardest part is acutally getting there - and I believe it. Did I listen to myself? Did I get out of bed, yes. Did I go straight to the gym? No. Instead, I met my friend at the mall, had a kids meal of chicken strips, tea, and fries, walked around for 4 hours, tried on some cool clothes, then went to a friends house for dinner where I had a one hard taco, rice, guacamole, beans, cheese, and tortilla chips. It was delicious, but it was a more-than-generous portion and I was more-than-full when I left. I wasn't stuffed or anything, but I know that I could have and should have made better dinner choices.

Yet, the whole time this eating was occurring, I knew it was bad. I was mentally telling myself to stop, but I didn't. Paula - you're going to gain back the weight. You're going to feel like crap after this delicious small fry and deep-friend chicken strips. You should have just went to subway! Why didnt you just grab something more healthy? You know better! But I kept eating. After all, I was only eating the small kids meal, and I was planning on walking the mall for a few hours - It isn't that bad, is it?
 

I told myself yesterday I was going to go back to the detox, drink at least 100oz of water, and try to get things straightened back out. The morning went great - I had my fiber bar and 4 1/2 - 24oz bottles of water. Oh yeah... I got a new water bottle at TJMAXX for $7.99. The bottle is irradescent pink and has a clip to hang keys, rings, etc on as well as a mouthpiece with a straw -- and came with extra straws. It defintely helps me to have a nice, portable, reusable bottle for water, and is even better that it has a straw. For me, personally, it helps me mindlessly suck it down.

I didn't make it to the gym, but instead decided to try something new and do Bikram Yoga (hot yoga.) See other post for info/details.
The yoga was quite an experience but I am pretty sure that I would do it again. After a crap-tacular day Saturday of eating what I shouldn't, I cooked some healthy stuff on Sunday for the week, and today I got back on that weight loss wagon. Tomorrow is day two of 100+oz of water, as well as eating clean and working out. I have plans to hit the gym with Joanna tomorrow, and I am starting a weight loss circuit with Sasha later this evening to help build up my legs, butt, and arms! Here's to hoping for some results with that.

My point is, everyone says that you should have one cheat day per week. I sometimes have 2-3, sometimes I have none or 1. It really doens't matter because, for the most part, I am going to do what I want to you - and so will you. I think about what I really did ---  one taco and some sides? Not bad. This time last year I would have eaten 2 tacos, a large helping of rice, a soda (instead of water) and much more sides than I had. I would have had the 3-4 piece medium chicken strips, fries, texas toast, and large drinks. Of course, I still cheated, but I was aware of what I was doing. It wasnt mindless. I knew I should have went to subway. I knew I shouldnt have eaten those chips - but I did. And thats ok. I dont want to put myself to someone elses standards of when I can eat, what I can eat, etc. I know that I need a calorie deficit to lose weight. I know to eat less. I know to exercise more.
Maybe this past Saturday wasn't such a train wreck after all... Yes, It could have been better.

..am I really sabotoging myself? Maybe in a small way - but this time I knew better where, before, I didn't truly know. The gains that I have made are so much more. I've learned a lot, and lost a lot--- with much more of both to come. 

I want to feel healthy. I want to feel strong. I want to appreciate myself again for more than just how I appear on the surface. Learning, making mistakes, making up for them, and making better choices in the future is a bumpy part of the road that I wasn't prepared for, yet, i've been down this road and I really should be more prepared.

Here's to continued mistakes and "train wreck" splurges, learning, and making better decisions.
Here's to my journey -  to my fit, healthy, happy, educational future!